Thursday, September 29, 2011

No Soup For You!

Still no kitchen. It's been a year of building one from scratch. And it's going to kick ass when it's finally done. It will be the greenest, leanest, cleanest kitchen in town. New concrete floor with radiant heat, state-of-the-art boiler and tankless, on-demand hot water heater, the latest advancement of spray foam insulation. And finally the drywall is going up. We're doing it ourselves, so it may take a while.
In the meantime, though, we still have to dine out. And it is getting so very old. I proposed living off of cereal, but Danelle put the kibash on that.
We've eaten at some really great places, but also at a lot of duds. Which got me thinking: what makes a restaurant a dud? Aside from bad food or service, we've compiled a list of annoying, stupid, or vile things that these establishments are guilty of.

1.   Sub-zero temperatures. Why do they do this? Have you ever walked into a restaurant in the middle of summer in your shorts only to find that the place is so cold you can hang meat in there? (Not that there's any hanging meat when we're around. I'm not gonna lie, we're pretty hot. Except when we're cold).

2.   The table has been wiped with a rag that smells like ass. No explanation needed here.

3.   Wobbly tables. Is it really going to break the bank to buy a few !^%#@& wedges?

4.   Crappy off brand coffee and tea. This can really ruin breakfast. Danelle is a coffee drinker and I drink tea.  Speaking of tea, how about water that has actually been boiled so that the tea can steep properly? Can't tell you how many places put the water through the coffeemaker then put it on the warmer plate. Fail.

5.   Crappy soda. Of course I'm talking about RC and Diet Rite. Or places that mix and match the tap lines (and don't clean them) so that root beer tastes like Sprite or vice versa.

6.  Seating you in the screaming baby section. And if you think that asking to be seated in the bar will put you away from the screaming babies, you are wrong. Babies in our area love the bar. This is where they get their training. We also love being seated next to the trashcan or right on top of other diners, even when there are tons of other available seats in the restaurant.

7.   Ambiance: No music or country music. I don't know which is worse. Ok, country music is worse than no music. But no music makes the experience just plain creepy.

8.   No soap in the bathroom. Really? But...employees must wash hands before leaving restroom. No soap.....really??? Eeeew.

9.   A teeny, tiny, miniscule dab of butter between two huge pieces of dry toast. Why bother? Nobody's going to eat dry, boring toast. You wouldn't eat your toast like this at home, Mr. Cook, so why do you think we enjoy this?

10.  The Bum's Rush. The food arrives and then 10 seconds later, the check.

There you have it; a year's worth of frustration. But I'd like to end on a positive note.

Last night we ate ate La Tonalteca in Dickson City, in front of the Viewmont Mall. We love it there! And Wednesday night is $2.99 Margarita night. We thought that since they were so cheap that they wouldn't be strong, but were we ever mistaken. I couldn't even write the review when we got home, because it ended up sounding like incoherent rambling. Or like something Michelle Bachmann would say. Anyway, after one drink my toes were warm. And the food is pretty darn good too.

We've actually been to many other good places that need to be reviewed, but I don't get a chance to blog often anymore, because we are busy with the drywall, spackle and studs. Oh the life of two girls with no kitchen.